These Precious Things
by Jing Mei Chen
Summary: Painful secrets endangers Jing Mei,until she finds an outlet of listening ears,and a good friend
1. Default Chapter

"Since I was 18 years old, I've been doing this education across the   
country, and I remember when I started doing it how angry I was. I   
remember I promised myself never to stop doing it; down to my last   
breath, I would continue to educate my community. Now I spend more   
and more time worrying about my doctor appointments. And I wonder,   
now, as I look around me,  
who is going to pick up my torch?" - Pedro Zamora  
  
  
  
To remember or to forget it   
could you ever laugh out loud while you cry   
It will own you & you can't let it  
  
"would you just tell me what's wrong?" he asked from the couch.  
  
Deb looked around the lounge,"If I wanted to tell you,don't you think   
I would have by now?"  
  
"Deb, something's wrong"  
  
"I know something's wrong John.It's my life" she took a deep   
breath,"If you excuse me"  
  
"Maybe I can help"  
  
"Like I tried to help you.This is different" her eyes started to water  
  
"How??How is this different from being addicted to drugs?" Carter   
asked quietly  
  
"This man..this person took a part of me" she said quietly,"Something   
I'm going to have to try really hard to find." Deb looked him square   
in the eye,"And I have to do it on my own"  
  
While it holds you you can't even try   
You're so unsatisfied   
there's no more tears to cry   
You ain't got nothin'   
no you ain't got nothin' to prove   
  
"Goodbye Dr.Chen"  
  
Deb nodded,"Goodbye"  
  
"You look like shit"  
  
"Thank you Dave" Deb turned around, ignoring him standing in front of   
her.  
  
"Carter told me what happened"  
  
Deb turned around and raised an eyebrow at him."liar"  
  
"Yes,I'm lying.But it got you to talk to me.Look at me at least"  
  
"mission completed" she rifled through the charts.  
  
"Are you okay??"  
  
"Will you stop asking me that?" Deb glared,"I'm fine"  
  
"Dr.Chen!!!" a nurse called  
  
Deb took a deep breath,"I'm fine"  
  
  
Got a secret & how you dread it   
I should have known   
by the lonely look in your eye   
  
"Have you spoken with Weaver?"  
  
Carter nodded  
  
"And?" Mark asked,eyeing him cautiously  
  
"She won't get help" Carter said quietly,"I mean,she won't talk to   
anyone about it"  
  
He nodded slowly."As much as you care about her"  
  
  
Carter looked away,his neck and ears beet red  
  
"You can't force her to talk to someone.Maybe she can deal with this   
on her own"  
  
"just like I could" Carter muttered  
  
Made a promise & never kept it   
you didn't even tell me good-bye   
You're so damn petrified   
  
"I'm going to lie down in exam 2" Deb yawned  
  
"All righty" Randi called back  
  
  
In December I got your letter   
& by the springtime   
they let me know you were gone   
If I only loved you better   
I'd see you smile again   
but what's done is done   
  
*Get down bitch. Get down and shut up*  
  
Deb grabbed the side of the table to keep from falling  
  
*YOu want this.You wouldn't have been here if you didn't want*  
  
Sweat dripped down the side of her face as she struggled to open her   
eyes."make it stop" she whimpered,"not again"  
  
Her hands roamed her sides and could feel the cold of the knife on   
her neck  
  
"I could kill you.But you're just too beautiful.Death would only make   
you more beautiful" he rambled  
  
Deb stifled her cries with a pillow  
  
just a little heartache   
just a little hole   
just an itchy finger   
& nobody knows   
just a little heartache   
  
Somethin' for the soul   
Fingers on the trigger   
& nobody knows   
what she knows  
  
  
  



	2. So I run faster.....

I search my soul   
My heart and in my mind   
To try and find forgiveness  
I can forgive But I will not forget   
  
"Deb?"  
  
She stood up and straightened her clothes.  
  
"Let me in.We need to talk"  
  
She brushed down her hair,and ran her fingers over her face.  
  
"Please"  
  
Excuse me but can I be you for a while  
My dog won't bite if you sit real still  
I got the Anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again  
Yeah I can hear that   
  
"Coming through!!!!!" Cleo called  
  
Deb stopped,backing into Carter.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She looked at him quietly,"Yeah" Deb bit her bottom lip  
  
"Sure?"  
  
Deb nodded,"Why don't you do some work or something and stop follow   
ing me.I'm fine"  
  
Carter shook his head,"What've you got?"  
  
  
Been saved again by the garbage truck  
I got something to say you know but nothing comes   
Yes I know what you think of me you never shut up  
Yeah I can hear that  
  
Deb stood at the front desk  
  
"Are you okay Dr.Chen?" Randi asked,"You have a phone call"  
  
"Why is everyone asking me this?"  
  
"You" randi hung her hands on her side,"the exam room.You were   
screaming"  
  
Deb's face paled."Oh.Hello?"  
  
But what if I'm a mermaid  
In these jeans of his with her name still on it   
Hey but I don't care   
Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been   
here  
silent all these years   
  
"It says here she was strangled,then raped" Dave read over the   
paper,"Left her out in the cold"  
  
"That's horrible"   
  
  
  



	3. Let Them Bleed

  
To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two   
greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength   
of mind.   
  
-- William Hazlitt, "Characteristics," 1823   
  
  
"I wish I could get my hands on that guy" Dave shook his head  
  
"Kill him" Randi nodded in agreement  
  
"I'd kill him" Dave threw the paper down and stormed away  
  
She got a poet's spirit   
she bums among the clouds   
she never stops believing   
she only dreams out loud   
there's a jackpot in the dresser   
she's fallen in the bath   
& if you need to kiss her   
don't forget your stash   
  
"Weaver's looking for you" Abby pushed past Deb at the admit desk  
  
"Oh" Deb replied,fingering the rejected the newspaper carefully  
  
"She wants you to go lecture or something"  
  
"Why?"  
  
Abby shrugged  
  
'cause she gives it away   
& you're fascinated by her   
& she does it again   
with simple & brilliant desire   
& she gives it away   
& you're fascinated by ...   
by her - she wears a million colors   
there's rainbows on her soles   
she got a sign above her   
that says I'm never growin' old   
  
"Curtain 2 needs a drip" Carter threw the chart on the otherside of   
Deb."Have you seen Weaver?"  
  
She shook her head,"Not yet"  
  
"You should talk to her"  
  
Deb nodded,"Just do your job, and I'll get around to it"  
  
Carter agreed,"I'm trying to be helpful"  
  
"I don't need your help"  
  
"Deb"  
  
"I don't need your help" Deb replied  
  
you're askin' her to dance   
now she spins a solid white light   
she gonna make love to you today   
today & every night   
& she gives it away   
& you're fascinated by her   
then she does it again   
with simple & brilliant desire   
& she gives it away   
& you're fascinated by   
by her by her she may be waiting   
  
"CHEN" Kerry called from the lounge  
  
Deb handed Luka the chart she held in her hands."36 year old with an   
ovarian cyst"  
  
Luka nodded,"Good Luck"  
  
"What?" Deb called,half way down the hall  
  
"Nevermind!!" he called back,chuckling to himself  
  
  
*************************************  
  
"You wanted to see me Dr Weaver?" Deb closed the door behind her  
  
"You're a wreck" she eyed the charts in front of her warily,"People   
are concerned"  
  
Deb nodded,"I've been preoccupied"  
  
"I've arranged for you " Kerry stood up and pushed her chair in,"To   
talk to some young women"  
  
"I don't understand" deb replied quietly  
  
" These are young women who are survivors. Women who have been unable   
to move on after their attacks"  
  
"Rape survivors?"  
  
"rape,incest" Kerry nodded," These girls were violated somehow"  
  
Deb sighed  
  
"Carter told me. He's concerned for you" Weaver said softly,"Will you   
do it Jing Mei?"  
  
'round the comer of your mind   
but still you know   
she's there you can feel her inside   
so don't forget about the reasons   
that brought you her   
'cause she's a miracle.   
  
  
  
  



	4. Running after the Rain

Pain is inevitable.   
Suffering is optional   
  
-- Anonymous   
  
  
"I'll see you lovely ladies tomorrow" Dave waved  
  
"Byeee" the nurses waved back  
  
"Get lost already Malucci!!" Cleo yelled,"YOOOSSSSHHHH give me a   
hand!!"  
  
"Love you too" he grumbled,"Can I give you a lift Jing Mei?"  
  
Deb shook her head,"I've got some things I have to take care of"  
  
Dave nodded  
  
Wish me luck   
Give me somethin'   
Help me out   
And I'll go there.  
  
  
Carter gave her hand a squeeze."You'll be okay"  
  
"I know" Deb put her sweaty hand on the doorknob,"I know"  
  
"Ladies" a voice filled the room,"our guest speaker is here"  
  
  
All I want is a brand new truck   
One eyed Jacks & beginner's luck   
The doctor's script for the perfect drug   
Get it all while I can   
But I got no money & I got no man   
I drive around in a beat up van   
I ride on coffee & Percodan   
  
"I'm Jing Mei, or Dr Chen. My friend Carter came with me because I   
haven't told anyone but him about my" deb chuckled as the table full   
of girls turned and eyed Carter warily,"rape"  
  
"He told people for me,which I know was wrong" Deb looked around at   
them sadly,"I'm going to tell you,you've all been there.Maybe you can   
help me"  
  
Get it all while I can   
Is that too much to ask   
Is that too much to ask   
So people tell me to clean up my mess   
Like I was sweet sixteen in a dirty dress   
But I'm wiser now so I must confess   
That I get it all while I can   
  
  
  
  



	5. Let them Break Their Hold over Me

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.  
Maya Angelou - American poet  
  
If you're gonna tell a story, you have to grow into the head of the   
rapist as well as the raped." - Tori, Chicago Sun Times, July 17, 1998  
  
these tears i've cried   
i've cried 1000 oceans   
and if it seems i'm. floating.   
in the darkness   
  
  
*ring*  
  
*ring*  
  
*ring*  
  
"What??"  
  
"Good morning Jing Mei"  
  
"Shit" Deb muttered,struggling to sit up  
  
"nice to talk to you,too"  
  
"Sorry" Deb groaned,"Good morning Mummy"  
  
"Will you be there for dinner tonight?"  
  
She sighed loudly  
  
"Jing Mei?"  
  
"I'll try" Deb answered  
  
well, i can't believe that i would kep.   
keep you from flying   
and i would cry 1000 more if that's   
what it takes to sail you home   
sail you home sail you home   
  
**at the hospital**  
  
"MALIKKKKKK" Carter's muffled yelling barely escaped the exam room   
doorway  
  
Dave snickered  
  
"If it's so funny, go give Dr Carter a hand Dr Malucci" Kerry called   
over her shoulder  
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"MALUCCI!"  
  
"Going" Dave groaned  
  
************************  
  
"What happened?" Deb dumped her stuff on the couch and crouched down   
to her knees  
  
Carter shook his head and removed the ice from the side of his   
face."This crazy patient..."  
  
"Let me see" Deb touched his face lightly,"Come on"  
  
He groaned,"Deb...."  
  
"No fracture" Deb smirked  
  
"I know that" Carter laughed  
  
i'm aware what the rules are   
but you know that i will run   
you know that i will follow you   
over silbury hill through the solar field   
you know that i wil follow you   
  
"She's in restraints"Kerry looked at the clock,"Where are you people?"  
  
"Psych?"  
  
Carter nodded  
  
"I've got to run" Deb smiled  
  
"Lucky you" Carter teased  
  
Deb nodded," Doesn't get better than dinner with the Chens"  
  
"Dinner with the Carters"  
  
and if i find you. will you. still remember   
playing at trains   
or does this little blue ball   
just fade away  
  
"Call me when you get there" Carter tied the scarf around his neck  
  
Deb nodded,buttoning her jacket,"Why?"  
  
"Humor me"  
  
Shelaughed,."I shall humor you and spend the rest of the night   
fighing off rumors"  
  
"They haven't given up?" Carter pulled his hat farther over his ears  
  
"Given up on my Prince Charming being Chinese.At this point" Deb   
jingled the keys in her hand,"Any rich man would do"  
  
"Oh" Carter blushed  
  
"Yeah" Deb chuckled akwardly."I'll see you"  
  
"Bye"  
  
Deb slipped into her car and drove away  
  
**************************************************  
  
"Dammnit" Deb kicked the tire,"Stupid stupid car" she plopped down on   
the curb and held her head in her hands,watching the cars drive by.  
  
over silbury hill through the solar field   
you know that i will follow you.   
i'm aware what the rules are   
but you know that i will run   
you know that i will follow you   
  
  
She walked briskly through the dark streets,her heart racing.Deb ran   
over medical terms, diseases, treatments,anything to keep her mind   
off the growing anxiety.  
  
"Get down bitch. Get down and shut up" a rough voice hissed behnd   
her.  
  
Deb took a deep breath and kept walking  
  
"Get down!"   
  
Quivering,Deb sunk down on her knees.  
  
"Not here"a sharp object made Deb spring back up.  
  
*Mummy's eyeing the clock,telling everyone to go ahead and eat,that   
I'll be there soon" her eyes started to water.  
  
  
  
"YOu want this.You wouldn't have been here if you didn't want it" he   
wrestled with his pants, Deb's knees shaking from the cold  
  
  
He held the knife to her throat with one hand,his other hand covering   
her eyes.Deb bit her lip so hard she tasted blood on her tongue.A   
whimper escaped .  
  
"I could kill you.But you're just too beautiful.Death would only make   
you more beautiful" he rambled  
  
these tears i've cried   
i've cried 1000 oceans   
and if i'm. floating.   
in the darkness   
  
  
Deb looked around the room, the faces stained with tears."So I ran"   
Deb bit her bottom lip and caught Carter's eye.He nodded.  
  
"I ran to his door step." Deb said sadly,tears running down her   
cheeks."At first he wanted to hug me,Carter that is.but you   
know..,after that happens, any sort of touch from a man..I screamed"  
  
He looked away,tears collecting in his eyes.  
  
"And I put it away.In the back of my head" Deb sank into the   
chair,"because I'm a doctor,because I came from a rich family,because   
I'm an asian woman..because I'm the one who didn't scream."  
  
well, i can't believe that i would kep.   
keep you from flying   
and i will cry 1000 more if that's   
what it takes to sail you home   
sail you home sail you home   
  
"Keeping it to myself was the hardest thing I ever did.But sharing it   
with you, you've all been there,helps alittle.And I was supposed to   
help you" Deb smiled shakily  
  
  
  
  



End file.
